Saturday, January 28, 2017

"Tea-Cup, Hammer, and Lemon Lizard" by Charlie Centipede (with illustrations by Richard F. Yates and Richard O'Brien)


“Did you ever love me?” Tea-Cup asked in a soft, sad voice, just before the Hammer struck.

“No,” the Hammer sneered, and then shattered the Tea-Cup with a single vicious blow.

The sole witness to the event was quaking in the cupboard.

LEMON LIZARD IS ON THE CASE!!!

Rumors had circulated around the apartment complex for weeks after the murder that something had been seriously wrong with Hammer. He’d been moody, quick tempered, and spent hours staring into mirrors in the days before he’d destroyed his wife of sixteen years.

The police had failed in all of their attempts to apprehend the Hammer and, hence, had called in Lemon Lizard to assist.

As Detective Hardnose led Lemon Lizard up the stairs of the apartment building towards the crime scene, he filled him in on the details of the ghastly event.

“Seems like a simple ‘smash-n-dash’ to me,” Hardnose said. “Guy kills his wife, then skips town. Open and shut case, right?”

Lemon Lizard eyed the detective to see if he was joking, then he pushed open the door to Tea-Cup and Hammer’s apartment. The living room looked undisturbed, like any working-class residence: large t.v., worn out sofa, a recliner next to a coffee table on which sat a half empty beer…

Upon entering the kitchen, however, Lemon Lizard’s stomach did a somersault.

“Jeezus,” Hardnose said. “What a mess.”

Thousands of shards of broken porcelain littered the floor. Lemon’s quick eyes darted around the room taking in everything.

“Like I said, smash-n-dash,” Hardnose shook his head. “The guy’s probably in Cyberia by now.”

Suddenly, a tiny squeak of a voice spoke up, “No he isn’t.”

Hardnose flinched as if a bullet had whizzed by his head, but Lemon’s keen senses immediately pinpointed the speaker. Above the sink, a cabinet was open just a crack, and two feathery antennae twitched.

“What the hell? Who said that?” Hardnose said, whipping his head around the room, completely flabbergasted.

“It was our little Moth friend, in the cabinet over there,” Lemon said, pointing toward the sink.

Hardnose squinted and scratched his head. “A moth? What the…”

“You mentioned that you don’t think Hammer is long gone,” Lemon said to the Moth. “Why don’t you think so?”

The moth pushed the cupboard open just a bit and fluttered down to the counter-top on gray, velvet wings.

“Because, after he hit poor Mrs. Tea-Cup, I saw him…saw him go into that mirror.” The Moth pointed to a window sized mirror hanging on the wall near the dining table.

“Go into… This Moth’s fuckin’ koo-koo!” Hardnose laughed.

“Oh, cram it, Hardnose,” Lemon yelled. “Find me a mirror that’s small enough to carry around. I think I know what’s happened here!”

Hardnose’s cheeks flushed red, and he looked like he was about to scream something horrible, but his curiosity got the better of him. He took a deep breath and stomped off in search of a mirror.

Lemon Lizard turned back to the Moth. “Sorry about him. He’s an ass!” The Moth snickered. “Have you lived here long?” Lemon asked.

“Only a few months,” the Moth replied. “I was subletting the top shelf of the cupboard from Mrs. Tea-Cup. I don’t think Mr. Hammer knew.”

Lemon Lizard nodded, and Hardnose came back into the kitchen holding a cheap, plastic hand-mirror, sparkly purple, with a long, skinny handle.

“This is all I could find,” Hardnose said.

“It’ll work,” Lemon replied.

Lemon took the mirror from Hardnose and began walking all around the kitchen, viewing every wall, counter, cupboard, and corner with the mirror. As he neared the table and the mirror on the wall, Lemon noticed dozens of smeared hand prints on the glass.

“What a waste of time,” Hardnose mumbled. Lemon flipped him off, then went through the door back into the living room. The Moth fluttered after him, landing on top of the mirror and looking down into the glass with the Lizard.

Lemon scanned the living room but found nothing. He continued into the bedroom.

As soon as Lemon switched on the light and began searching the room, both he and the Moth gasped. Although the bed in the room where Lemon Lizard stood was clean and empty, the bed reflected in the mirror was occupied by a mutilated corpse. Mr. Hammer was dead. The wood of his neck was splintered and twisted, and large pieces of his handle appeared to have been gnawed on by—something.

“Just as I thought,” said Lemon, “a Mirror Demon. They hypnotize people through mirrors, then either possess them or drag them through to their side and devour them. They ain’t too bright, though. This one probably broke a few teeth when it tried to bite Mr. Hammer’s head.”

The Moth shook his head, sadly.

“Hey, Hardnose! Come look at…,” Lemon started to say, but before Lemon could finish his call, he heard a yell and the sound of breaking glass.

Lemon rushed toward the kitchen, and the Moth fluttered frantically behind him. Lemon stepped into the kitchen, his gun drawn. The glass mirror was shattered, and Hardnose was standing over the sink facing the wall.

“Hardnose, you okay?” Lemon asked.

From the sink, Hardnose started to laugh. “Oh, I’m just fine!” he said and spun around. In his hand was a huge carving knife—and his eyes were completely white. He laughed again, a high-pitched scream of a laugh, and then lunged at Lemon Lizard.

Lemon, using his crazy lizard powers, launched himself at the ceiling and stuck, just as Hardnose struck. Whipping his gun towards Hardnose, Lemon fired two shots, both of which penetrated the back of Hardnose’s skull and lodged in his brain. He dropped instantly to the floor, twitched once, then died.

“Was that…?” the Moth asked.

“Yep! Possessed by the Mirror Demon,” Lemon said. He went back into the bedroom and found the plastic hand-mirror, which he carried into the kitchen. Kneeling, he held the mirror up to Hardnose’s lifeless face.

“Well, what do you know!” Lemon said with a chuckle. “It looks like the demon was more handsome than this ugly mug was!”

Both Lemon Lizard and the Moth laughed.

The End….???

—Charlie Centipede


(Originally published January 2014 at The Primitive Entertainment Workshop! "Teacup" by Richard F. Yates created 2017 for this site!)

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