“Life Theater” by Porky Timecork

Christmas is coming… (Quit hissing!)

What I like about Xmas is the total immersion of the experience. For an entire month, maybe more in some places, you get lights, music, decorations, movies, foods, seasonal clothing… All the stores and television shows and windows and people scream CHRISTMAS! And there’s no way to escape, especially if you hate it, which I don’t. I love the totality of it.

Why can’t we have a total immersion experience every month—or every other month? We’ve got Halloween (in Oct.) and Xmas (in Dec.), so why can’t we fill the other EVEN months with SOMETHING: costumes, decorations, lighting, sound…

Maybe what I’m thinking of is LIFE THEATER. Weave a narrative into daily life; significantly transform the environment you live and work in; change your costumes to match the theme. Every two months, come up with a new theme, OR establish some fake “holidays” and push them on the rest of the world. (They do it to us, so why can’t we do it back??? Except, we’ll make our holidays MUCH more interesting!) Keep pushing until they become REAL for everyone else, too. Within a generation or two, we could have complete environment transformation—and individual human role characterizations for each “holiday.” Develop interesting characters that people can dress as, embody, and BECOME (like the Lord of Misrule—or Margaret Thatcher.) There will be a STORY, a narrative, for humans to immerse themselves in, like a shamanistic experience. The costumes and environment will induce a “spirit” in the participants, and they will feel themselves, for the duration of the holiday, BECOMING their character. (And the next year, they can be somebody else!)

That would be fun—and much less boring than our current calendar, which only has a couple of really FUN holidays per year. WE DEMAND MORE!!!

If you have any good ideas, let us know! We’ll publish the good ideas as NEW HOLIDAYS and get this Theater of Life underway!

—Porky Timecork

https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
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https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/

[Originally posted 18 Apr. 2013 @ The Primitive Entertainment Workshop]

“Primitive Entertainment and YOU: What is Primitive Entertainment?” by Blah-Blah Billingsworth

Mental hygiene is an important issue in the modern age. A city dweller will be, constantly, bombarded by advertisements and slogans, music and voices from cars and phones and televisions, messages, threats, bills, pleas for help, propaganda, warnings, advice—bleeps and clicks and moans and blah blah blah… AND WE ARE MORE OF THAT!

In our favor, we are funny. Doctors agree that we are funnier than the average public service announcement or political campaign poster by at least 74 percent! We are warmer, too, unless it’s too hot, then we are totally cool.

In fact, The Primitive Entertainment Workshop is whatever you want us to be (and whatever that short, fat, old, gray-haired dude who runs the show likes.) In practice, so far, the P.E.W. is poems, pictures of monsters, prank ideas, funny stories, road trip plans, rants, memories, manifestos, fake news stories, and experiments in wasting time AND (simultaneously) an essential archive of throw-away ideas and memories, moments that would have been, without us, lost forever.

We are also CREATING what would not have been (which is pretty fucking scary, if you think about it) and preserving, for as long as THE GRID holds out, a bit of EACH OF THE MOTHERFUCKERS who allow us to put their shit up on the site.

Without exaggerating in the slightest, The Primitive Entertainment Workshop is FUCKING MAGIC!!! It’s fun! It’s candy cigarettes! It’s a mustache on a mannequin! It’s a tape loop of a cat fight! It’s a hermit crab wearing a pop can as a shell! It’s finding twenty bucks in the street just before the ice-cream man pulls up! It’s scoring a free game in pinball! It’s waking up and remembering that it’s your day off! It’s surviving another night and screaming about how happy you are to still be alive!

Fuck the police.

The Primitive Entertainment Workshop is YOU for reading this.

The Primitive Entertainment Workshop is US for making it.

It’s the fart in the elevator! It’s pee in the pool! It’s the muzak rendition of a punk rock song! It’s a cold bowl of sugary cereal on a hot afternoon! It’s the ultimate prank where everyone dies, and dies laughing, at the end! It’s understanding that it’s all worthwhile even though it’s all pointless…

Read Camus. Read Phil Dick. Read Borges. Watch The Twilight Zone. Listen to The Cure. Draw on your clothes. Put a sticker on the back of a street sign. Mail a letter to a random name in the phone book telling them you saw a ghost in a public toilet. Take a picture of a discarded cigarette butt and then give it a name. Pretend you’re Peter Cushing for an entire day, especially if you’re a girl. Play Pong!

Never surrender. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy. Live long and prosper.

Amen!

—Blah-Blah Billingsworth

https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/

[Originally posted 13 Apr. 2013 @ The Primitive Entertainment Workshop]

“Public Toilet Art” by Johnny P. Head

Art project: Feel free to try this one at any time. Create a number of small, two dimensional works of art (I suppose there isn’t any reason you couldn’t do three dimensional art, although it probably shouldn’t be very big) and then laminate them in some way. If you have packing tape, you can cover the artwork in strips, overlapping each strip by a tiny bit. This will keep the pee and other environmental yuckiness from destroying the work too quickly. (If you have a three dimension object, you’re on your own for keeping it undamaged.)

For safety reasons, it would probably be best to either NOT sign the work, or to sign it with an unknown alias. People get snippy when confronted with unsanctioned public art.

Next, take the artwork (it can be an image, a slogan, photograph, collage, or some combination of these) into a public restroom at a restaurant or park, or somewhere similar, and affix the piece to the wall where it will be seen by the patrons of the restroom. This will add a little surprise and, perhaps, even some joy to a mundane, sometimes unpleasant, physical activity.

If you want, you can sign the work, Johnny P. Head. I’ll take the heat… Just have some fun, and don’t get caught!

—Johnny P. Head

https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/

[Originally posted 23 Mar. 2013 @ The P.E.W.]

“How to Get Gravy Out of a Stained Shirt” by Admiral Thomas J. Haha

Burn the shirt
in a public place
while screaming as if in terror

—Haha

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