Let it burn. I’ll bring the marshmallows, and we can dance naked around the flames until the whole thing’s nothing but ashes.
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
[Originally posted 12 Apr. 2013 @ The P.E.W.]
Saturday, August 19, 2017
“Blue and Squeekers” by Randy Long
The adventures of Blueboy and Squeekers! Old Blueboy was an Australian shepherd, and Squeekers was a deer chihuahua. Blue was an outside dog and Squeekers an inside dog.
Blue had an adventurous streak in him, and he was always trying to escape the backyard. Not that he really ever wanted to go anywhere special, he just wanted to go, and Squeekers always wanted to go for walks every chance she got. Blue would escape every month and a half or so. I usually found him real close, trying to introduce himself to the most eligible female dogs.
Well, Squeekers got out of the house, and Blue and Squeekers were friends anyway, and they both left the safety of their yard. I can only guess what they said to each other, but Blue, the bigger of the two, was the leader, and Squeekers just followed him around.
Before they left the yard, Squeekers seen Billy the Squirrel and chased him around the yard, and like always, Billy would climb a tree, and Billy warned Squeekers. He said, “You and Blue got it made. Don’t leave the yard. You’ll be sorry,” but they left anyway.
They went two houses down and visited with Barney and Fred, two black labs who were brothers. They were inside the back fence, but it was a Cyclone, and they called to the traveling duo. They told them what was going on in the neighborhood, and then Blue and Squeekers were off again, this time going towards home, but Blue wanted to stop next door. Jasper was next door. He was a cockapoodle, and Blue was always talking to Jasper because Blue could see him through the fence and bushes.
Jasper was a young pup, like Squeekers. Jasper said, “Don’t go. You two are my friends, and I won’t have anyone to talk to.” They both said, “We’ll be back,” but Jasper was afraid for them. They said their goodbyes, and away they went.
Blue said to Squeekers, in a deep voice, “It will be o.k.,” but Squeekers said, “I just want to go home.” Blue said, “Follow me,” so Squeekers did, kind of whining.
Blue and Squeekers got about a block and suddenly stopped. They heard, off in the distance, their names being called, “Blue! Squeekers! Come here! Where are you?” They both looked at each other, and Blue said, “Come, Squeekers. It’s time to go home.”
Blue and Squeekers said, “Here we come now.” They were both running home, and Blue said to Squeekers, “We’ll have another adventure some other time.” They saw their master and both ran to him, and he saw them both. They were both wagging their tails, and the master said, “Where have you been? Well, you’re both home now.”
He opened the back gate and Blue ran in, straight for the water bowl. Blue, under his breath, said, “Thank goodness, I’m home. There’s my food, water, and house.” The master shut the gate and turned to Squeekers. He said, “Squeekers, where you been?” He opened the door to the house, and Squeekers ran inside and lapped down a whole bowl of water, then went to the glass door, looked out at Blue, and said, “I’m glad to be home.” She ran over and picked up her ball, and ran to the couch, climbed up on the back of it, onto her pillow, laid down looking out the window, and said, “There’s no place like home.”
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
Blue had an adventurous streak in him, and he was always trying to escape the backyard. Not that he really ever wanted to go anywhere special, he just wanted to go, and Squeekers always wanted to go for walks every chance she got. Blue would escape every month and a half or so. I usually found him real close, trying to introduce himself to the most eligible female dogs.
Well, Squeekers got out of the house, and Blue and Squeekers were friends anyway, and they both left the safety of their yard. I can only guess what they said to each other, but Blue, the bigger of the two, was the leader, and Squeekers just followed him around.
Before they left the yard, Squeekers seen Billy the Squirrel and chased him around the yard, and like always, Billy would climb a tree, and Billy warned Squeekers. He said, “You and Blue got it made. Don’t leave the yard. You’ll be sorry,” but they left anyway.
They went two houses down and visited with Barney and Fred, two black labs who were brothers. They were inside the back fence, but it was a Cyclone, and they called to the traveling duo. They told them what was going on in the neighborhood, and then Blue and Squeekers were off again, this time going towards home, but Blue wanted to stop next door. Jasper was next door. He was a cockapoodle, and Blue was always talking to Jasper because Blue could see him through the fence and bushes.
Jasper was a young pup, like Squeekers. Jasper said, “Don’t go. You two are my friends, and I won’t have anyone to talk to.” They both said, “We’ll be back,” but Jasper was afraid for them. They said their goodbyes, and away they went.
Blue said to Squeekers, in a deep voice, “It will be o.k.,” but Squeekers said, “I just want to go home.” Blue said, “Follow me,” so Squeekers did, kind of whining.
Blue and Squeekers got about a block and suddenly stopped. They heard, off in the distance, their names being called, “Blue! Squeekers! Come here! Where are you?” They both looked at each other, and Blue said, “Come, Squeekers. It’s time to go home.”
Blue and Squeekers said, “Here we come now.” They were both running home, and Blue said to Squeekers, “We’ll have another adventure some other time.” They saw their master and both ran to him, and he saw them both. They were both wagging their tails, and the master said, “Where have you been? Well, you’re both home now.”
He opened the back gate and Blue ran in, straight for the water bowl. Blue, under his breath, said, “Thank goodness, I’m home. There’s my food, water, and house.” The master shut the gate and turned to Squeekers. He said, “Squeekers, where you been?” He opened the door to the house, and Squeekers ran inside and lapped down a whole bowl of water, then went to the glass door, looked out at Blue, and said, “I’m glad to be home.” She ran over and picked up her ball, and ran to the couch, climbed up on the back of it, onto her pillow, laid down looking out the window, and said, “There’s no place like home.”
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“Love Punch” by Richard F. Yates
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“Walupt Lake” by Randy Long
One of the last secluded lakes in Washington, that I know, is Walupt Lake.
From Longview, you go up I-5 North to Hwy 12 East, towards Packwood, WA. From Longview it’s about 27 miles on I-5 to exit 68, Morton / Yakima, Hwy 12 East. Go 62 miles east to Forest Rd, NF-21, to Walupt Lake. Exit to the right. Take the next right to stay on the Forest Rd, NF-21. After 7.5 miles, go slight right. Stay on NF-21 another 6.6 miles, then turn left to stay on NF-21 for 2.1 miles. Turn left toward NF-2160 for 4.5 miles. Total of 112 miles and about 2 and half hours, about 21 of the Hwy on mainly gravel roads. You come to a beautiful lake at the end of the road.
You pull into Walupt Lake and across a bridge into a park. A creek runs out and a creek runs in on the back side of the lake. Open from 5/23 to 9/9, and you need a reservation.
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
From Longview, you go up I-5 North to Hwy 12 East, towards Packwood, WA. From Longview it’s about 27 miles on I-5 to exit 68, Morton / Yakima, Hwy 12 East. Go 62 miles east to Forest Rd, NF-21, to Walupt Lake. Exit to the right. Take the next right to stay on the Forest Rd, NF-21. After 7.5 miles, go slight right. Stay on NF-21 another 6.6 miles, then turn left to stay on NF-21 for 2.1 miles. Turn left toward NF-2160 for 4.5 miles. Total of 112 miles and about 2 and half hours, about 21 of the Hwy on mainly gravel roads. You come to a beautiful lake at the end of the road.
You pull into Walupt Lake and across a bridge into a park. A creek runs out and a creek runs in on the back side of the lake. Open from 5/23 to 9/9, and you need a reservation.
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“The Long Round Trip” by Randy Long
Up in the hills by Randle, WA, is a place called Pinto Rock, up on top of a hill, out in the middle of nowhere. If you drive there, make sure you have a reliable vehicle, and not a Low Rider, either. If you go, you’ll be pleasantly surprised, it’s one of the most beautiful drives.
Another drive that’s really nice is from Longview to Randle to Cougar to Woodland to Longview. Go up I-5. It’s about a 7 and a half hour round trip, about 240 miles. You go up I-5 to Hwy 12 East. Take Hwy 12 East to Randle, WA. It’s exit 68, the Morton / Yakima exit. From Longview to Randle is about 79 miles, and about an hour and a half. From there, at Randle, make sure you have a full tank of fuel. Between Randle and Cougar, there are NO gas stations. From Randle to Gifford Pinchot National Forest is about 50 miles, but it’s a winding road, a couple of hours long. I believe the road is NF-23 to Gifford National Forest. It should say from Randle to Cougar.
Once you get to Gifford National Forest, your next stop is Cougar, 65 miles from Gifford National Forest, and about 2 and a half hours on NF-90. It’s all on the same road to Cougar. From Cougar to Woodland is only about 30 miles, about a half hour. From Woodland, take I-5 North to Longview, WA. It’s about 30 minutes more to downtown Longview, about 25 miles away.
It’s a long trip, but along the way there’s Mt. St. Helens, the Cowlitz River, Riffe Lake, Scawena Lake, Morton, Randle, the lower and upper falls of the Lewis River, Cougar, the Ape Caves, Spelieye Bay, Yale Lake, Beaver Bay, Lake Merwin, Horse Shoe Lake, Mayfield Lake, Silver Lake, Kress Lake, the Kalama River, the Columbia River, Lake Sacajawea, and probably other places I did not mention. Places to fish and hike, camp, take pictures, and enjoy the drive. I’ve, personally, drove it several times.
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
Another drive that’s really nice is from Longview to Randle to Cougar to Woodland to Longview. Go up I-5. It’s about a 7 and a half hour round trip, about 240 miles. You go up I-5 to Hwy 12 East. Take Hwy 12 East to Randle, WA. It’s exit 68, the Morton / Yakima exit. From Longview to Randle is about 79 miles, and about an hour and a half. From there, at Randle, make sure you have a full tank of fuel. Between Randle and Cougar, there are NO gas stations. From Randle to Gifford Pinchot National Forest is about 50 miles, but it’s a winding road, a couple of hours long. I believe the road is NF-23 to Gifford National Forest. It should say from Randle to Cougar.
Once you get to Gifford National Forest, your next stop is Cougar, 65 miles from Gifford National Forest, and about 2 and a half hours on NF-90. It’s all on the same road to Cougar. From Cougar to Woodland is only about 30 miles, about a half hour. From Woodland, take I-5 North to Longview, WA. It’s about 30 minutes more to downtown Longview, about 25 miles away.
It’s a long trip, but along the way there’s Mt. St. Helens, the Cowlitz River, Riffe Lake, Scawena Lake, Morton, Randle, the lower and upper falls of the Lewis River, Cougar, the Ape Caves, Spelieye Bay, Yale Lake, Beaver Bay, Lake Merwin, Horse Shoe Lake, Mayfield Lake, Silver Lake, Kress Lake, the Kalama River, the Columbia River, Lake Sacajawea, and probably other places I did not mention. Places to fish and hike, camp, take pictures, and enjoy the drive. I’ve, personally, drove it several times.
—Randy Long
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“Keenan’s Inferno (Part One)” by Keenan Calhoun
My head aches and pounds as I open up my eyes. I slowly sit myself up from the hard stony ground that I was laying upon. As my eyes adjust to the dim light, I look around, bewildered at the unknown place that I am in. The air is dank and hot and it burns my nostrils with every breath. As I pull my weak body up off from the ground I begin to regain my wits. I have no recollection of how I got to where I am now or why I am in such pain but I intend to find out.
As I hobble blindly forward, I hear the faint sounds of screams coming from all directions. It is dark and the only things I can see are the blurry outlines of faint shapes and the occasional flash of blinding light followed by an intense wave of heat. As I walk forward the screams get louder until they are at a low roar as I approach a rocky river bank. The water at first appears to be normal but as I stare into it longer I begin to see humanoid figures beneath the water, climbing on top of each other as if attempting to reach air, but as each one nears the surface another strikes him down in attempt to make his own ascent.
“Shit,” I say. “Against my better judgment, I would have to say that I’m in hell.” As I stand at the shore cussing, lamenting, and just generally having a really bad time, I see a skeletal figure in the distance, approaching slowly but steadily toward me in a small dinghy. “Looks like a dude in a boat, what was his name again? ” As I curse my unsatisfactory public school education for entirely failing to teach me about classical Christian myth (probably because they want to avoid the idea of “Christian myth”) the boatman moors his boat.
He calls to me in a gravely voice, ” Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Your soul has been unfortunate enough to be forsaken by your god and you have… Hey! Are you listening to me?”
“What the hell was his name? Lou… Ale…. Zoosomething… ”
“I am Charon the ferry man! I have come to…”
“Yes! Charon! Thanks a lot man. ”
“Do not thank me so quickly young one, for I am here to take your soul to its final resting place in a place of pain and suffering.”
“Well… That sounds very not awesome. I’m going to have to pass on that one.” I turn around to get the shit out of there as quickly as possible.
“Wait!” Charon yells to me as I stop running, which I don’t mind because I hate running anyway. “You cannot escape your fate that easily boy. If you wish to negotiate your fate then you must pay me a toll and I will take you to the Morningstar himself. ”
“That sounds pretty all right.” I reply tentatively. “What’s the toll?”
“One gold Athenian coin.”
“Well, I don’t have any of those. Do you take debit?”
“Uh… Yeah sure hold on a minute.” Charon fumbles around in his robe for a moment and pulls out a cell phone with a little credit card reader. “All right let me see the card. ” I hand him the card and he slides it back and forth in the reader, getting increasingly frustrated as he does so. “Damn this stupid thing, just hold on a minute. I’ll get it to work. There! Now sign with your finger.” I sign the little screen with an X because there’s no way I’m giving him my signature, and I get in his boat and we begin to push off from the rocky shore.
“Ow ow hey! Watch where you’re going! There’s other people in this water you know!” say the people attempting to claw their way out of the dark, dirty pool.
“Sorry! Sorry!”
“Now young one.”
“Hey man, I’m nineteen, a little old to be calling ‘young one’ don’t you think? Unless you’re referring to the t.v. show because then I’m all right with it.”
“Silence! I am as old as the stars in the sky and the rocky core of this Earth. I shall call you young if I wish.”
“All right, Charon. Heh, isn’t Charon a girl’s name?”
“Be quiet or I will turn this boat around!” And I spoke no more on our trip across the waters of the river Styx towards the castle home of the King Lucifer, the Morningstar of Hell.
End of Part One
—Keenan Calhoun
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
As I hobble blindly forward, I hear the faint sounds of screams coming from all directions. It is dark and the only things I can see are the blurry outlines of faint shapes and the occasional flash of blinding light followed by an intense wave of heat. As I walk forward the screams get louder until they are at a low roar as I approach a rocky river bank. The water at first appears to be normal but as I stare into it longer I begin to see humanoid figures beneath the water, climbing on top of each other as if attempting to reach air, but as each one nears the surface another strikes him down in attempt to make his own ascent.
“Shit,” I say. “Against my better judgment, I would have to say that I’m in hell.” As I stand at the shore cussing, lamenting, and just generally having a really bad time, I see a skeletal figure in the distance, approaching slowly but steadily toward me in a small dinghy. “Looks like a dude in a boat, what was his name again? ” As I curse my unsatisfactory public school education for entirely failing to teach me about classical Christian myth (probably because they want to avoid the idea of “Christian myth”) the boatman moors his boat.
He calls to me in a gravely voice, ” Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Your soul has been unfortunate enough to be forsaken by your god and you have… Hey! Are you listening to me?”
“What the hell was his name? Lou… Ale…. Zoosomething… ”
“I am Charon the ferry man! I have come to…”
“Yes! Charon! Thanks a lot man. ”
“Do not thank me so quickly young one, for I am here to take your soul to its final resting place in a place of pain and suffering.”
“Well… That sounds very not awesome. I’m going to have to pass on that one.” I turn around to get the shit out of there as quickly as possible.
“Wait!” Charon yells to me as I stop running, which I don’t mind because I hate running anyway. “You cannot escape your fate that easily boy. If you wish to negotiate your fate then you must pay me a toll and I will take you to the Morningstar himself. ”
“That sounds pretty all right.” I reply tentatively. “What’s the toll?”
“One gold Athenian coin.”
“Well, I don’t have any of those. Do you take debit?”
“Uh… Yeah sure hold on a minute.” Charon fumbles around in his robe for a moment and pulls out a cell phone with a little credit card reader. “All right let me see the card. ” I hand him the card and he slides it back and forth in the reader, getting increasingly frustrated as he does so. “Damn this stupid thing, just hold on a minute. I’ll get it to work. There! Now sign with your finger.” I sign the little screen with an X because there’s no way I’m giving him my signature, and I get in his boat and we begin to push off from the rocky shore.
“Ow ow hey! Watch where you’re going! There’s other people in this water you know!” say the people attempting to claw their way out of the dark, dirty pool.
“Sorry! Sorry!”
“Now young one.”
“Hey man, I’m nineteen, a little old to be calling ‘young one’ don’t you think? Unless you’re referring to the t.v. show because then I’m all right with it.”
“Silence! I am as old as the stars in the sky and the rocky core of this Earth. I shall call you young if I wish.”
“All right, Charon. Heh, isn’t Charon a girl’s name?”
“Be quiet or I will turn this boat around!” And I spoke no more on our trip across the waters of the river Styx towards the castle home of the King Lucifer, the Morningstar of Hell.
End of Part One
—Keenan Calhoun
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“Flying Snake Makes Zombies” by Richard F. Yates
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
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