The tail fur of this endangered creature has been used, for centuries, to make “Dr. Seuss” hats. With your help, and generous donations, we can bring this wonderful creature back from the brink of extinction. (Warning: If you see one in the wild, do not approach! They can be extremely territorial, and although the total number of fatalities caused by the Stripe Tailed Commodity were fewer than 700 last year, it’s still best to stay out of the beast’s way. Thanks!)
P.S.: And, yes, that is a rare image of a “True” capitalist in the background. Note the sharp teeth, red eyes, and green tint to the skin, thought to be caused by the constant ingestion of American paper currency…
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
"Wages" by Otto Mobile
There is a billboard off to the side of the freeway, which I pass every day on my way home from work, and this billboard says, "The wages of sin is death." I question, on a fundamental level, this statement.
For one thing, the word "wages" is plural, which means, for this statement to be grammatically accurate, it would require the plural form of the verb "to be," not the singular form, "is." I believe, "The wages of sin ARE death" is a more grammatically accurate claim, but the sign that I am forced to look at as I drive home every day is flawed---so what are the wages of publishing grammatically inaccurate signs? For one thing, the perpetrator runs the risk of being accused of ignorance.
A second issue, less pressing than the grammar, is with the concept of "death" as a "wage." As all humans must die, then death is not ONLY the wage for committing sin, but also the wage for living a saintly life, so we might as well have a good time, right?
I understand, however, that there exists a corollary supposition to this argument, which suggests that those who die blameless, perhaps having been forgiven for their naughtiness (although once forgiven, and thus no longer carrying "sin," they are still allowed to collect the "wage" for their non sin-stained life), the blameless individuals are then transported, either bodily or as a non-corporeal essence, to a fancy and pleasant location for an extended stay---whereas those who collect their wages after having legitimately earned them are lead, cast, forced, or otherwise transported to less hospitable climates.
In the latter case, I have come to understand, there is some disagreement in the description of the final destination: a lake of fire, house of horrors, lake of ice, large mouth, or, as was suggested by George Bernard Shaw, perhaps a rather interesting place where one can take a break from the contemplation of perfection in Heaven and have a chat with some of the rather clever individuals who were extremely adept at earning their pay.
If we all die, and there is some evidence to suggest that this is the case, then we are all earning our sin-wages regardless of our behavior, which suggests that we are all still sinful, despite the theoretical hypothesis that a major sacrificial gesture was made a few thousand years ago which, supposedly, cleared the slates of all individuals who were born indebted for the "wages" of their naked, hungry ancestors who happened to take some bad dining advice from a reptile.
Following the example of world leaders, politicians, and business magnates who have made "sin" an extremely profitable enterprise, it would seem that, IN THIS WORLD at the very least, the wages of sin are cash, big houses, medical treatments that work, power, respect, fancy clothes, swimming pools, and frequent flier miles. Therefore, if you are uncertain about the prospects of a secondary "destination" for your consciousness upon the exhaustion of your corpus, most likely having worked yourself to death to increase someone's profits other than your own, then take a moment to reflect on whether or not you might as well indulge in that good, old-fashioned sin. It might be the only enjoyment you get before you fade away, and (who knows?) you might just be able to parlay that sin into some cash with which you might actually be able to have a little bit of fun before you collect your inevitable, although possibly unearned, wages.
---O. Mobile
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
For one thing, the word "wages" is plural, which means, for this statement to be grammatically accurate, it would require the plural form of the verb "to be," not the singular form, "is." I believe, "The wages of sin ARE death" is a more grammatically accurate claim, but the sign that I am forced to look at as I drive home every day is flawed---so what are the wages of publishing grammatically inaccurate signs? For one thing, the perpetrator runs the risk of being accused of ignorance.
A second issue, less pressing than the grammar, is with the concept of "death" as a "wage." As all humans must die, then death is not ONLY the wage for committing sin, but also the wage for living a saintly life, so we might as well have a good time, right?
I understand, however, that there exists a corollary supposition to this argument, which suggests that those who die blameless, perhaps having been forgiven for their naughtiness (although once forgiven, and thus no longer carrying "sin," they are still allowed to collect the "wage" for their non sin-stained life), the blameless individuals are then transported, either bodily or as a non-corporeal essence, to a fancy and pleasant location for an extended stay---whereas those who collect their wages after having legitimately earned them are lead, cast, forced, or otherwise transported to less hospitable climates.
In the latter case, I have come to understand, there is some disagreement in the description of the final destination: a lake of fire, house of horrors, lake of ice, large mouth, or, as was suggested by George Bernard Shaw, perhaps a rather interesting place where one can take a break from the contemplation of perfection in Heaven and have a chat with some of the rather clever individuals who were extremely adept at earning their pay.
If we all die, and there is some evidence to suggest that this is the case, then we are all earning our sin-wages regardless of our behavior, which suggests that we are all still sinful, despite the theoretical hypothesis that a major sacrificial gesture was made a few thousand years ago which, supposedly, cleared the slates of all individuals who were born indebted for the "wages" of their naked, hungry ancestors who happened to take some bad dining advice from a reptile.
Following the example of world leaders, politicians, and business magnates who have made "sin" an extremely profitable enterprise, it would seem that, IN THIS WORLD at the very least, the wages of sin are cash, big houses, medical treatments that work, power, respect, fancy clothes, swimming pools, and frequent flier miles. Therefore, if you are uncertain about the prospects of a secondary "destination" for your consciousness upon the exhaustion of your corpus, most likely having worked yourself to death to increase someone's profits other than your own, then take a moment to reflect on whether or not you might as well indulge in that good, old-fashioned sin. It might be the only enjoyment you get before you fade away, and (who knows?) you might just be able to parlay that sin into some cash with which you might actually be able to have a little bit of fun before you collect your inevitable, although possibly unearned, wages.
---O. Mobile
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“Feelings” by Richard F. Yates
…I’m sorry, I’m not trying to minimize other people’s suffering. I’m actually trying to maximize other people’s suffering…
---Richard F. Yates(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
“The Agitator” by Richard F. Yates
Politics on a different planet (actual name of planet withheld to protect the guilty.)
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
---Richard F. Yates
(Commander in Cheap of The Primitive Entertainment Workshop)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
Sunday, August 13, 2017
“Blue Ghost” by Richard F. Yates (and Dr. Wendy Dasler-Johnson)
Don’t listen to this horseshit. It’s just silly (and it’s not making any sounds, either…)
—Richard F. Yates
[OR–it’s proof my filter is creating a reductive fiction. —Dr. Wendy Dasler-Johnson]
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.comhttp://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.comhttps://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
“The Plight of the Wild Recliner” by Dr. Lee Z. Buoy, Ph. D.
There are few things in this world that are more heartbreaking than seeing the carcass of a recliner on the side of a freeway. Though herds of wild recliners could once be seen roaming the hills and forests of the Pacific Northwest, the ravages of deforestation, suburban sprawl, and hunting parties looking to furnish dens and "man-caves" with wild recliner bodies have taken their tolls on this once plentiful species.
Efforts to preserve these beautiful animals have been valiant, but experts estimate that fewer than 150 wild recliners remain in Washington and Oregon. (U.S. Census Bureau reports from the 1890s put the population of stiff back recliners, now extinct, at over 700, and the common, gray recliner was estimated to have a population of over 5,000 animals in that subspecies alone.) As the number of humans continues to grow in the Northwest, building roads that interfere with recliner migration patterns and bulldozing the animals' natural habitats to build housing developments and strip malls, the days left to these majestic creatures are quickly running out.
Therefore, the next time you see the shattered body of a recliner on the side of Interstate 5, its legs broken, its hide torn from its delicate frame, take a few moments to reflect on the fact that each fallen recliner brings us ever closer to the extinction of yet another beautiful species, like the North American curtain and the pygmy teddy-bear, all done in by the carelessness and ego-centrism of mankind (and womankind, too, as one junior colleague of mine pointed out while reading a draft of this paper.) Thank you, and drive safely.
---Dr. Lee Z. Buoy, Ph. D.
(Dr. Buoy has been the Chair of the Department of Contemplation and Colouring at St. Barney's College, Henpeck, Washington, for nearly eighty-five years. His shoes, to this day, are still brown.)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
Efforts to preserve these beautiful animals have been valiant, but experts estimate that fewer than 150 wild recliners remain in Washington and Oregon. (U.S. Census Bureau reports from the 1890s put the population of stiff back recliners, now extinct, at over 700, and the common, gray recliner was estimated to have a population of over 5,000 animals in that subspecies alone.) As the number of humans continues to grow in the Northwest, building roads that interfere with recliner migration patterns and bulldozing the animals' natural habitats to build housing developments and strip malls, the days left to these majestic creatures are quickly running out.
Therefore, the next time you see the shattered body of a recliner on the side of Interstate 5, its legs broken, its hide torn from its delicate frame, take a few moments to reflect on the fact that each fallen recliner brings us ever closer to the extinction of yet another beautiful species, like the North American curtain and the pygmy teddy-bear, all done in by the carelessness and ego-centrism of mankind (and womankind, too, as one junior colleague of mine pointed out while reading a draft of this paper.) Thank you, and drive safely.
---Dr. Lee Z. Buoy, Ph. D.
(Dr. Buoy has been the Chair of the Department of Contemplation and Colouring at St. Barney's College, Henpeck, Washington, for nearly eighty-five years. His shoes, to this day, are still brown.)
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com
http://readadamnbookwithrfy.blogspot.com
https://schoolofmadnessastruth.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/richard.f.yates/
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